Diet Dilemma

I say this everyday. "MAGDIDIET NA TALAGA AKO! DI NA AKO MAGKASYA SA UNIFORM KO!" Everyday, I recite the mantra. "I will go on a diet today. I will lose serious weight." over and over and over. I groan each time I see look in the mirror. I cry whenever I cant fit into my favorite clothes. I sigh everytime I shop and see that I have to buy a size bigger - I get frustrated, mad, angry, depressed, sad and annoyed.

I know what I must do. I understand the need for me to lose weight. I understand that I must discipline myself to do it. BUT WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD?

I mean, I'm not that big. My friends tell me that I'm just right. I'm not that big, that I look fine. But I am not happy with myself, I feel lousy. I just feel big. So it's really something that I need to do.

Last year, I succeeded to lose at least 15 lbs. I lost 5 inches off my waist. My goal now is to maintain this and lose at least one or two more. How did I do that last year? EFFORT, Serious discipline and effort - and the fact that I got really really really sick after practically starving myself for at least three months.

I told myself, I could do it back then, why not now? Maybe last year, I was pressured to. I was really really chubby back then and I really felt bad. Maybe last year, I had more focus to do it, but now... Well, now, Im stressed out (I tend to binge eat and want my endorphins, i.e. CHOCOLATE) I tend to be more tired and hungry - because of more work. I just tend to feel that whenever I need the energy, I eat. I JUST EAT.

Plus add to that the following factors that make me NOT lose weight:

1. This office has a constant, abundant and very free flowing supply of food and CHOCOLATES in the office coming from seafarers coming in from different ports almost daily.
   
2. Seafarers often treat us to big lunches in yummy restaurants.
3. Stress. You get stressed you eat.
   
4. Boredom. You get bored you eat.
5. Recently, the messman cooks awesome food. So I eat.
   

I guess It's ME who needs to discipline herself. I guess that I need to keep myself reasonably fit. Sleep early, TRY to exercise, and keep myself from binge eating. I should eat more fruits, keep myself disciplined in eating the right amount of food.

I have to try. Once more, to be disciplined as I was before. I swear, I'll lose weight before Christmas parties begin. I swear....