My birthday fear

im older. i should get into a more serious state of mind. But i feel like peter pan, I don't want to grow up... not really. But, I really have to. It's necessary, if I want a family and if I want to move on. I have taken life lightly up to now. Seriously, I think it step it up. It's not the time to be playing games anymore. I'm old. I feel old. I want to have a serious life. Though, I have to make it happen, it's not going to happen for me.

All I want is to have someone to call my own Someone who my family will love as well, someone I can be seriously in love with. Someone who would totally support me in everything I do, and have done. In fact, I think there is-- but there is a serious fear in me. SERIOUS FEAR. That someone will actually throw me out again. That I would be hurt.

I hurt people before they do. That's all... That's it. But I cannot help it. I really need to have someone admiring me, loving me. Taking care of me in my life. I know it sucks. But that's me.. my weakness is love.

But i will be stronger. I will not let fear take over me. I will be happy.

I PROMISE