Random Thoughts of a Narcoleptic

I was out of the office today. Luckily. I was half asleep the whole day. Narcoleptic because I didnt get sleep. Things were a bit off lately... people keep telling me what to do and not to do and last night I just snapped. Sometimes it's better to just say it out loud than keep it in.

I learned to reel in myself last night and also open up enough to keep my dignity. I learned to defend my pride. God, was I proud of myself? yes. Because now, I know I could keep my emotions in check. I didn't cry as much. Logical thinking - yes.

I'm listening to a song right now that was suggested on a friend's playlist. ( he's got amazing taste in music -- i swear playlist raid!) I love the song. I love the lyrics. will learn on guitar.

Don't Say Goodbye, Say Goodnight

Binocular

i lie awake and feel your nearness i never wanted more than this

i don't wanna run beneath your tears
i don't wanna catch them when they're falling
But its the same old song playin over and over
now i lie upon my face and though we tried
i guess that's the way it's supposed to be
don't say goodbye say goodnight so it's not over
and if you try and answer why it's just over it's goodbye
i hope to see the dawn of daybreak and the sun rise to cloudless skies
and now i've tried to see the truth but i close my eyes
and you were there for me and i was there for you
don't say goodbye say goodnight so it's not over
and if you try and answer why it's just over it's goodbye
but now i lie upon my face and though we tried
i guess that's the way it's supposed to be
don't say goodbye say goodnight so it's not over
and if you try and answer why it's just over it's goodbye
it's goodbye

Thanks Luci

Anyway, there is forgiveness, but I cannot forget... there is trust to be rebuilt.

Still hoping for something to start...hmmm

Continue reading...

... Follow the gut feel...

Today I learned a valuable lesson on trust, love, friendship and all things in between. Sometimes, you really have to trust your instincts, and your friends. When your friends says that he's a bad person for you, you should think about dating such person -- or proceed with caution as they say. But I was naive and tried to see the good in each person and maybe that's where I was wrong.

You see, smart as I am, my heart is stupid. My heart falls in love at a drop of a hat, a woo, a single touch -- its hotwired to be hypersensitive to romance. Perhaps this is the VALENTINA side they call me for. I was born the day before Valentines day. Doh. I really have to learn to reel it in or cover it slightly with ice again so it becomes something useful again. Right now, I feel that my heart is totally malfunctioning with me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not head over heels totally in love with the person. I like him - as a friend because so far, besides the RED FLAGS and LIGHTS that my friends give me, i still follow what my heart says. Be nice, let him love you. Maybe he's a diamond in the rough. whatever. But he's not. In fact, he's far from it.

He's a lying, cheating, two timing, heart breaking rat who will try to break my heart. Good thing, GOOD THING an Angel fell from somewhere in the desert and saved me. If she didn't step in and told me, my stupid blind heart would have fallen. THANK GOD SHE KNOCKED SOME SENSE IN TO ME.

A few people said well-deserved "I TOLD YOU SO."s and a few others were disgusted and mad at the person. I am too, except that instead of mad, I think I am more sad for him. He's really a good person - tanga lang or even insensitive lang. I just think he's messed up for lying to two women blatantly like that.

... and he says he wont hurt me. HA! Bastard. I dont know. he already did.

.. i am stupid for waiting for him all the time. I am stupid for trying. I am stupid for even considering to be his girl -- I am naive and I think, thats my downfall...

but this might be a blessing in disguise. it made me closer to friends. and possibilities.. should we still flirt with danger? Maybe... :D

Haha.

Continue reading...